Write Strike; Wrong Message

Written by Bob Rehak
Edited by: Sharon Estill
Joboja Staff Writers

Try not to be jealous of me, but I've never seen a full episode of "The Simpsons." I only saw 10 minutes of 1 episode of "The Sopranos." I couldn't tell you the names of any of the characters on 24, The X-Files or Heroes. I've simply never watched any of those shows, or dozens of others.

I realize this makes me an anomaly, the Nielsen ratings equivalent of a wolf-boy who's never been to McDonalds.

It's not that I'm one of those anti-TV persons who own a Victrola and stores preserves and water in his basement. I have three televisions in my house, and they're always on.

With the Writers Guild of America striking this past week, the low amount of hours that I've logged watching the most popular TV series of the last 10 years has proven to be nothing short of genius.

Don't get me wrong, I have always loved television. I keep a picture of my first 12-inch black and white Sears model in my wallet. It's signed, too.

Growing up I never knew the seasons had changed outside. My year was divided into only 2 seasons: spring sweeps and fall sweeps. I knew it was summer only when there was an excessive amount of reruns and the sun gave my TV that awful glare. Thank goodness for blinds.

By the time the Sears died (May 17, 1994, 8:42PM Central Standard Time); I was married and had two kids. I also had a 27-inch RCA, a 13-inch Panasonic and another one on the way. The only time there wasn't TV noise in the background at my house was when the cable went out. Then we just watched the blue screen and prayed that it came back on before prime time.

To hear the principles talk about the Writers Guild of America writers strike, you would think we're headed for Armageddon.

NBC Universal chief Jeff Zucker said, "A strike will happen at everyone's peril."

Cue the Imperial March.

CW entertainment chief Dawn Ostroff gave this Orwellian warning: "It's just better for everyone if habits aren't broken and if people that are getting into characters and shows are able to continue to do so."

The last time the writers were "forced" to strike, so they tell me, was in 1988. That strike lasted 22 weeks and cost the industry $500 million. Really? I was 28 in 1988, at the height of my demographic prowess, and I swear I don't remember any of it. I don't remember feeling the world slip off of its axis. I don't remember going to church and praying for the well being of my favorite TV characters ("Dear God, please protect Crockett and Tubbs until the strike is over.")

So spare me the doomsday messages about this latest strike.

The shuttle astronauts looked out the window last week from the International Space Station and confirmed that earth still appeared to be in its proper orbit. Yes, people will miss seeing new episodes of their favorite TV shows, but don't preach to us television lemmings that it will alter the way we live.

It's all about the money and the advertising dollars. Yes, writers, actors, directors and television crews will lose money. The main issue in this strike is the residuals that writers get paid for DVD sales, currently about four cents per sale. Writers want a better slice of that pie, plus the other flavors that have come along, like internet downloads and future media outlets.

While I can understand writers wanting to get paid for writing, they're not exactly working in sweatshop conditions or getting paid sweatshop wages. They have a union, they have a contract and they're getting paid. I would also argue that seeing your name in the credits is a nice reward, unless you currently write for "According to Jim".

The writers want residuals? So does everyone else.

How about giving a teacher a residual every time a former student lands a job and starts paying taxes? How about a residual for every coal miner every time someone turns on a light or television (power plants burn coal to generate electricity)? Teachers and coal miners have unions, too, yet when they strike the impact is a tad more significant, wouldn't you say?

Just a wild guess here, but I would bet that teachers and coal miners make less than Hollywood writers and have tougher professions. What's the biggest risk a writer faces, a nasty paper cut?

Look, if you want to strike, go ahead, that's what unions are for, and red-blooded Americans everywhere will back you. Just don't for a Super-Bowl-advertising second delude yourselves that we care or that it will somehow put our country "in peril."

Health officials have predicted that a season of reruns could lead to lengthy conversations with the risk of meaningful dialogue among family members.

Yes, my family adores those 27 inches of love in the corner of the family room, but we have the upper hand in this strike. We just came back from Wal-Mart with Season One of "The Simpsons."