Keeping Your Esteem

The True Meaning of Ex-:
Tips for Job Seekers with a Criminal Past

By: LD Lewis, CWDP

Segment #2: Keeping Your Esteem
in Tact through Practice

The fact that the recidivism rate, which is simply defined as a relapse into crime, is high is not news. In fact, the odds say if you offended once, you will repeat. And employers are as aware of the odds as the rest of us and may pre-judge you based on those odds. So in order for your esteem to remain as high as it will need to be in order to confidently convince an employer of your hire-worthiness, you will have to learn to develop the “ex-“ portion of the word “ex-con” inside of you strongly. That way you can better help employers to downplay, or at least not to be as focused on, the “con” part? How?

Try using every occasion you can, such as family gatherings, to practice discussing your past. Ask people to provide you with feedback on how you communicate both verbally and non-verbally when discussing your former incarceration. For instance, ask them to watch for whether your voice drops, signaling low-esteem; or rises, signaling triggered defense mechanisms. And ask them to check for whether you remain professional and confident overall, or if you become defensive and intimidating.

Pay particular attention to how you handle those who tend to want to shun you. Are you aggressive towards them or otherwise intimidating? Or are you able to do as an employer would expect from you; that is, to confidently share that “ex-“ to you means that you are now disassociated with who you were and what you did before.

Talking about the past as a long-ago, resolved issue will give you an air of confidence and self-assurance and can create for you a healthy distance from the then you and the now you. The now you is the person you should introduce to employers.

Next week we’ll look at suggestions for handling employers’ direct questions about an incarceration. Until then, remember that the true meaning of ex- must always hold fast within yourself despite whether it means ex- to anyone else in the whole wide world or not.

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