Pardon My Apathy

By Matthew C.K. Bradwell
Creative Editor

Ah baseball.

Pitchers and catchers that haven't already reported to camp will do so in the coming days, fantasy drafts will occur, some beat writer somewhere won't be able to resist the temptation to write a poem about baseball and show it to his baffled editor (my money is on Geoff Baker of the Seattle Times - he's notoriously optimistic and that paper always runs such heartwarming stories).

Yes, it's a magical time of year for baseball fans, the weather will soon warm up and the crack of the ball and-

I'm sorry I can't do this anymore. Most of the above events will happen and it's certainly nice and all but let's be serious, until an actual game is played, contemporary baseball news starts and stops in the courtroom.

At least for the time being, the game of mitts on hands and bats on balls takes a back seat to needles in butts and gavels on sound blocks (a sound block is the coaster a judge beats to shut people up - it's okay, I didn't know what it was called either).

Wednesday, the Roger Clemens "did he or didn't he" saga finally went to court as Clemens and McNamee squared off, each calling the other a liar. The whole ordeal was a lot of things, interesting was not one of them and we come away today with no new understanding of a seemingly complicated ordeal.

In case you weren't tuned into C-SPAN here's a quick rundown of what happened:
Clemens made funny faces.
McNamee was verbally abused, accused of lying, misleading investigators and eating small children.
Clemens made funny faces.
McNamee was accused of being a drug dealer.
Clemens made funny faces.
Clemens admitted his wife took HGH to shape up for the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue.
I made funny faces.
Clemens interrupted the Judge, the Judge yelled at Clemens to shut up and Clemens threw part of a broken bat at the judges head. I may have confused that last part with another incident of Roger Rage.

Then everyone went home with as much closure as they came in with and this won't be readdressed until the justice department decides to investigate which of the two lied.

And honestly I don't care.

So he cheated? Great, he's never going to pitch again, this won't affect any results on the field this season, and it's not like he was the only one.

Maybe I would be more compelled by this ordeal if I actually played baseball.

Mackinley Salk, an outfielder for the Columbia College Renegades said the hearings have left him "Heartbroken."

"It's a slap in the face, I grew up idolizing Roger Clemens," said Salk. Salk, 21, was a pitcher before being shifted to the outfield.

I see his perspective. I personally don't care, but I'd sure be heartbroken if I found out Will Lietch or Phil Sheridan were juicing.