How to Stage a Vacation Coup

Planning a summer vacation? It may be harder than you think to get away from your needy colleagues, but with “aggressive, simultaneous upward and downward management,” it can be done, writes Stanley Bing in Fortune:

First, get the boss’s permission and make sure your subordinates know you’ve claimed the dates. “Establishing a bona fide vacation is a war. Yours should not be a casualty.”
Ten days before your vacation, “do a massive core dump on all available life forms—reportees, colleagues, the guy who cleans the fish tank. ‘What’s this meeting with Beanie and Cecil doing on my agenda?’ you may ask the clueless noid who put it there.”
Make sure to “use the phrase ‘When I’m on vacation next week’ no matter what the subject at hand” whenever you’re within earshot of your boss.
When your boss inevitably informs you of an important meeting during your vacation, “do not flinch. Executive amnesia is a form of authoritarian terrorism that must be fought.”